she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
