I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
