I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
