On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
