i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
