It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
