her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
