i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
