you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
