I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
