is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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