True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
