If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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