i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
