apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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