i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Still dying that you shit outside
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
