So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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