No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
3 2 1 whiskey
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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