The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
