drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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