I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
