God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
