I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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