Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
