I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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