8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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