After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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