you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
