yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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