Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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