I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
