sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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