My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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