I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
