if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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