i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
