I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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