this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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