Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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