i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
