She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
