I just made out with a guy for $7.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
