no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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