Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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