you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
did you just send me my own nude
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
