My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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