quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
