is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
