none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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