The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
