but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
