I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
where does the pee come out of this thing
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
