I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
