it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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