from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
