This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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